Parent Talks With My Daughters

My daughters, Erica and Shaena, are 10 and 11 now. I've had the talk with them twice now, you know...*coughsexcough*..., in which I initiated it because I knew it was high time. I knew their mother had told them some garbage and I didn't want them learning about stuff from kids at school or something, so I took the plunge. They went all right and I'm glad I did it. I didn't intend to just leave it there, either, but to have them semi-regularly as they got older and I needed to introduce new info.

Well, twice in the last couple of months, the girls have somewhat forced my hand. The first time, we were getting ready for dinner. I was at the dining room table; my daughters were in the kitchen...whispering. Uh, oh. I caught a few snippets - "making out," "boys," "barely a Christian." Here we go, I though. Time to talk.

I called them over to the table and asked them to tell me what they were talking about. The gist of it was that a girl at their school was saying that a girl from another school that they all know is "barely a Christian" because she said she likes to "make out" with boys. This should be interesting. I ask them what making out is. Shaena says, "Kissing," as Erica blurts out, "Sex!" Hmmmm, being a father is great. I ask them what they think about kissing boys. Is it okay. Both say not really unless you're married or "at least in your 20s." Maybe I should make this the rule. Yeah, like that would work. I explain to them why kissing boys is not a bad thing and that when they are older and start dating, I won't have a problem with them doing some kissing. There was some "gross" and "icky" thrown around, but I think they understood what I was saying. Mostly, anyway.

The other situation was more, uh...interesting. It also gets bonus points for having my mother at the table. I don't remember what led up to the topic, but we got to have a lovely discussion about, drum roll please, wait for it, cue dramatic music...masturbation. What a great dinner topic. Erica said that Lisa (their evil grandmother) "thinks we're masturbating if we just scratch an itch between our legs." Oh, the humanity. I ask them what masturbating is. "Mom said it's when you touch your body parts and think about someone you think is cute." Tempted to get into a semantic discussion of the definition at this point, but they are my daughters. I ask them what they mean by "body parts." "You know, down there," and they point. "You mean vagina," I say. "Oh, Dad, don't say that," they both say and get the grossed out look on their faces. I break away from the main topic for a minute to tell them that it is perfectly okay to say "penis" or "vagina." Unfortunately, they are not allowed to say those words at home. They have to use euphemisms. Argh. We also briefly talk about embarrassment and I tell them that in all honesty I am not much more comfortable than they are during talks like these.

Anyway, we get back to the the edifying dinner topic of *coughmasturbationcough*. So, I talk to them about what masturbation, telling them that it is any sort of touching of one's self for pleasure and that boys and girls can do it. I tell them that it is not in and of itself a bad thing, that everyone has done it at least once learning about their body. I also tell them that I would not be mad at them for doing it, but that it's probably not something they should do a lot and that it is an activity to be done in private. I was definitely squirming in my seat during this. Mom was, too, and the looks on her face were so comical, I tried not to look at her much.

You know as a parent that you have to have these kinds of talks. Well, okay, some parents know they need to; far too many hope that if they don't talk about it, their kid won't know about it and won't engage in sexual activity. Yeah, if only. But, like I was saying, I know that I have to have these talks and I do rehearse what I will say, but it doesn't make it any easier. It's certainly not my favorite part of parenting, though I do admit it is amusing after the fact. I also know that it's good for them. Better they get good information from me than crappy information from friends, TV, movies, or their mother and grandmother for that matter.