Aren't Drugs Wonderful?

Since my pharmacy did not get my Provigil to me before I left Billings, I have had to resort to other methods in an attempt to stay conscious throughout the day, namely caffeine. I have had six or seven cans of pop today (and gone to the bathroom at least that many times) and I just bought a 20 oz. bottle of Pepsi. It seems to have helped a bit, but I still feel pretty fatigued. Why can't I just get my pills?! I mean, that is the American way, isn't it? Not feeling your best? Take a pill! Shoot up! Drugs will make all of your problems go away, so go on, help yourself! Take some more. If a little makes you feel better, taking more will make you feel GREAT!

Whew. I wish I didn't need a pill to help me stay awake.