October 22, 2006 is a day I'll never forget. I was at work, babysitting a drunk, when I got a call that one of my best friends, Patrick Kramer, had just been killed in a car accident. The moments immediately after that are hard to describe. I felt stark disbelief even though I knew it was true. Weakness gripped my legs and I struggled to stay standing. I felt worse than I ever had in my life. His is the first death of someone I was very close to that I have had to deal with. It's strange how death is something so normal, so part of the human experience, but that we are never ready, never prepared for it when it happens to a loved one.
Patrick was a cop in a small town a few hours from Billings. He was responding to an accident on the highway when he lost control of his vehicle and rolled it. He died on the spot almost instantly. He died as he lived, helping other people. Nothing gave him greater pleasure and even when it wasn't in his best interest, he did what he could for someone else. Patrick was a hero in the truest sense of the word.
His birthday was last Sunday. He would have been 30. I think about him all of the time, but he's been on my mind more often lately. I miss him terribly. My only consolation is that I know he is an a better place now. Patrick was dealing with a lot of personal issues and was in a lot of emotional turmoil for the last few years of his life. I'm glad he no longer has that burden, that pain.
Patrick, I wish you were here. I know it's a selfish thought. I know you're happier now, probably laughing at the antics of those of us still here. I still wish you were here.
Rest in peace, friend. I'll see you again someday.
Thursday, May 10, 2007
Only the Good Die Young
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1 comment:
Somewhat strange as it may seem, I have had a very, difficult time dealing with Pat's death. I say strange because first of all he wasn't my child or even a close relative that I had a deep bond with. The moment I learned of his death, not only was I devastated that he was no longer going to be around, but I felt so horrible that he had so much unhappiness in his life recently. And I am not looking to blame anyone! I've always felt strongly that you are in control of your feelings but then I don't mean that people can say and do anything to you and you can always control your hurt feelings. I think the main thing I'm trying to get across is this-Pat was hurting a lot. And I'm sure he felt that he didn't want to bother anyone with his problems. All of us have felt that way at times. That needs to change! We all need to believe that no matter how trivial or large our problems are there is ALWAYS someone who is more than willing to listen. And I for one will always feel that I could have been a better person when Pat was around and made him comfortable enough to where he could unload his problems without feeling uncomfortable. I also don't think we should all be beating ourselves up for what we didn't do. But for Pat's sake and every other person out there, let's try to be more humane to each other. Right now!
Mom
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