Kids Are Scary

My beautiful daughter, Erica. So sweet. So innocent.

But not for long...*sigh*

Erica will be 11 this November. I found myself just staring at her a few weeks ago and it hit me. She's turning into a young woman. I'm scared to death. Kids are scary enough in their own right, but she will soon be a teenager with all of the wonderful things that brings. I'm trying to stay calm. It doesn't help, though, when she says to me earlier tonight (giddy and excited about having a friend sleep over), "My hormones are going crazy and I'm feeling frisky!"

I don't know whether to laugh or cry.

Good News & Not So Good News

As part of the MS study I am in, I have to go in every three months for a variety of tests. They test hand-eye coordination, memory, gross motor skills, draw blood, do an EKG, and I have an MRI every six months. It's all very exciting, especially the memory test.

I listen to a CD of a man reading numbers. They come every five seconds in the most bland, monotone voice I have ever heard. It would be a great sleep aid; sometimes I find myself drifting toward unconciousness during the test. Anyway, I have to add together the last two numbers, the voice said. So, when he says, "Eight," and then five seconds later says, "Four," I say "Twelve." The tricky part is that I have to forget the sum I just gave, e.g. 12, because when he says the next number, say "six," I have to add it to the last number he said. So, I would add 6 and 4 to say, "Ten." I remember numbers very easily, so it's typically not a problem. As long as I am in the moment that is. There have been a few times when I find my mind drifting away listening to the monotone voice and I realize I didn't hear what the voice just said. It's almost more of an exercise in mental stamina than memory.

Anyway, my neurologist just called me. He said he had two things to tell me, one not so good and one great. First, my white blood cell count is low. He said it is not uncommon for people taking interferon medications as I am, but that it does need to be monitored. I am not too low, but he wants to keep an eye on it and if it gets lower and stays there, I may have to change medications.

The second piece of news is that my MRI shows marked improvement from the last scan. He told me that he was very pleased and surprised to see such a change. I'm not cured, of course. There is no cure for MS, but it is very exciting news, nonetheless. The drugs I'm on are clearly slowing the progress of the disease and that's great. I hope other people in this study are having similar progress with their condition.

Enter Sandman

I've been very tired lately. One of the more exciting aspects of MS that I've had to deal with is extreme fatigue. It doesn't take a lot (or any, really) of physical activity for it to hit me. It just does. I take Provigil and it's certainly been a life saver; I'm not sure how I would function without it. I'd sleep my life away.

Unfortunately, it doesn't always work. The last few days I have been more tired than usual even with the drugs. Last night, I was asleep shortly after eight. It's only a little after nine tonight and I've been struggling to stay awake for the last two hours. When the fatigue hits extra hard, it is typically worse in the evening, but it does affect me throughout the day. I have to really work to find the motivation to get stuff done at work as I'd rather just close my eyes and take a long nap.

That said, I'm off to take a long nap, now. An all-nighter.

Another Postcard

Another week. More pain. Check it out.

The Miracle of Birth

Two links in honor of my new niece:

An article about the miracle of birth and a video about said miracle.

One Down. One to Go.

I turned in my final research paper and abstract today for my research writing class. I'm done with that class now. I have one more week in my Intro to the Bible class and then I am done with it. I definitely need a break from school. I've been going nonstop for a few months now, and I'm starting to feel burned out. I haven't felt very motivated and it's led to more procrastination than usual. In fact, I wrote my research paper in the last three days and I've had the last sixteen weeks to work on it. I've got a lot of writing to do for my Bible class, too, that I've been putting off. That one has been a struggle, not just because I've been feeling burned out, but because of the nature of the course. I wasn't expecting a Bible class wherein the texts told me that the Bible is the inspired word of God because it says so and people inspired by the Holy Spirit have confirmed it. That's really put a damper on my enthusiasm for the class. There is still some good information in the books, but I find myself really disinterested in the whole class now. Oh, well. I am going to attempt to avoid taking any more classes from this prof in the future.

A New Member of the Family

A few hours ago (around 9p), my sister, Sheena, gave birth to a daughter, Aryana. She is, of course, gorgeous. Her weight was 6 lbs, 2 oz and I believe her length was 18". I am excited about a potential new recruit for my ship and look forward to teaching her about Star Trek, Star Wars, Lord of the Rings, Dragonlance, Queen, and all that is best in life.

I do have to say though, another female? What is it with my family? I now have a mom, three sisters, an ex-wife, two daughters, and three nieces (and that's not even counting a step-mom, a number of female co-workers, a possible girlfriend, sheesh). It's starting to get lopsided here.

I Hate Cars

Okay, not really, but they can be very annoying. My car (a wonderful 1989 Ford Taurus) died on me on the way home from work today. It's the second time it has done it in the last two weeks. I think (though I am certainly not a car expert) that it is vapor-locking. It has been very hot lately and I don't typically have a lot of gas in the tank. Whatever it is, I was stuck in the middle of traffic until I could push it to the side of the road. I let it sit for ten minutes and was able to restart it. I went straight to the gas station and put a few gallons in.

Why haven't scientists developed a transporter, yet?

Dating Again, part II

Well, I called the girl whose number I got last week. We probably talked for about thirty minutes. It was a nice conversation. The bad part is that we won't be going out for dinner for a few weeks. She is going out of town for a few weeks and will not be back until the first part of August. She must have told me a half-dozen times that she is not trying to avoid me; she does want to go out. I was shaking my head, but I do believe her. Besides, I am not in a hurry or anything. I'm still anxious, though.

The Human Desire for Love and Companionship

I mentioned PostSecret recently. Well, here's a postcard from this week:




This is just one person among many millions in our country drifting through life lonely, looking for love or a companion. They're everywhere; make an effort to reach out to the people in your life and let them know they are not alone.

Constant Companion

I'm a cat guy. Dogs are cool; I have no problem with them (except for small yappers, i.e. my Mom's dog, Mia), but I just identify more with cats. The cat pictured is my buddy, Tiberius (yes, named in honor of the greatest captain ever). I adopted him from the local animal shelter a couple of years ago. He is a little more clingy than the typical cat. He frequently likes to lay on my lap (as he is now), follows me into the bathroom, sleeps with me (usually between my legs), and often just follows me around the house. Just like people, cats have their odd quirks. Tiberius does not like to be touched anywhere other than his head and neck. If you try to pet him anywhere else on his body, he will nip at you. He is amazingly good with kids, too. My niece, Alexis, loves to grab Tiberius' head and plant a big kiss on him. Most of the time he lets her do it. Usually after she does it, she says, "Uncle Shane, Tiberius loves me, doesn't he?" It's funny to watch.

I wouldn't know what to do without Tiberius now.

The Strange Dichotomy of Beauty Pageants

Stories like this make me think of things like this.

PostSecret

PostSecret is a very interesting website. I discovered it a few months ago and it has been featured on CNN and other news programs. People anonymously send the owner of the site a postcard with a personal secret on it. Every week (usually) the owner puts some of the postcards on his site for the whole world to see. I find it a fascinating look at people in our society. Many of the secrets are humorous, but many more clearly reveal some deep-seated pain. I think that in our current society, many of us have forgotten how to connect with someone. For all of the talk of cell phones, the internet, email, jet travel, and other technologies making the world smaller and allowing us to connect with more people; I think that we have forgotten how to meaningfully connect with someone. No technology can replace the intimacy and feeling that comes from being in the presence of another human being and talking with them, sharing a meal with them, or just being together.

I am very grateful that I have two people, my mother and my friend, Jeromy, that I know I could share anything with. Anything. Every human being needs that, I believe.

Dating Again

I got a girl's phone number today. I asked her if I could take her out to dinner some time and she agreed, giving me her phone number. She volunteers during the summer at the hospital I work at. I met at work about a month ago. We've flirted a bit and I finally got the courage to ask her out.

It's been about two years since I last had a date. I haven't been actively looking, not because I didn't want to date, but because it wasn't a priority and I knew I'd meet a girl I would like to date eventually. Though it hasn't been a priority, I have to admit I am very excited. And nervous.

She told me she will be out of town this weekend, so I will give her a call on Monday or Tuesday. We'll see how it goes.

It's a Wonderful Life

I will be moving soon. I suppose I should say everyone in this house will be moving soon. When my brother, Shawn, went off to college last year, I moved in with my mother to help her out as needed. Shawn and Mom co-own the house. Unfortunately, Shawn does not want the house anymore. I've known for a long time now that he feels it is a burden on him and he wants to be free of it. He also wants the equity in it. He is racking up a lot of debt and he believes that this will be a solution to that. It will, but only in the short term. He does not realize that he needs to change his spending habits if he wants to stay debt free.

This decision has been a huge blow to Mom. It has always been a dream of hers to have her own home. She has known for awhile that Shawn was growing resentful of the house, but was hoping he could grow up, mature.

Shawn has been unable to do that and I don't think he can as long as he has this house. He is having a rough time right now. Self-confidence, decision making, and confronting tough, emotional situations have always been a problem for him. The self-confidence issue has not been helped by his not having a girlfriend that lasted for more than a couple of months. Until now, anyway. His new girlfriend, Heather, has been around nearly a year, now. I would love to be happy for him, except that it is painfully obvious to me (and just about everyone else that knows him) that she is not the girl for him. She is very cold and unfriendly. She makes no effort to say anything to anyone in our family. Sometimes she will be at our house for hours without talking to anyone but Shawn (in annoying whispers). He has even admitted that she wouldn't mind if we were not around, so she could have Shawn all to herself. Everything about her screams high school. Well, she is only 19.

Shawn doesn't care, though. He is desperate for female companionship and she is desperate for someone to take care of her. He plans to move to Missoula because she is going to school there. His life is now being put on hold because the only thing he can think about now is her.

Anyway, it boils down to all of us having to move out of the house. Mom could refuse to sell, but it would just cause a huge rift between her and Shawn. I could easily help Mom make the house payment (I all ready pay some rent), but I have no way of coming up with the equity to buy Shawn out. Mom is crushed, as I said, and has shed more than a few tears in the last week. She even said she wished she had never bought the house. I wish there was something I could do. Of course I will be renting a place with her, but I want to do more. All five of her children have put her through so much in the last fifteen years. She deserves better.

Read? You mean like a book?

These are some very depressing statistics. I suppose that in our age of instant gratification, the slow pleasure that comes from books just doesn't do anything for a lot of people. I can't imagine a life without books and I've tried to instill the same love in my daughters.

Where's the Tooth Fairy?

I had a tooth pulled earlier. At a checkup a few weeks ago, my dentist told me that I had cavities in all of my wisdom teeth. Well, one of them was actually chipped and cracked. He thought then that I could still keep that tooth.

Unfortunately, 'twas not meant to be. The cavities in the other teeth were small and easily filled. The cracked tooth, however, turned out to be worse than what he originally thought. He said he could do a root canal if I really wanted, but that it would be messy and may not work. He said it would be best to pull it and I agreed. I think there was a gleam in his eye when I consented to the tooth pulling.

Now, I just need to convince the tooth fairy to leave some money under my pillow. Since it was a big tooth and not a baby tooth, I'm thinking $20 sounds reasonable.

The Greatest Actor

A wonderful homage to the greatest actor of our time and perhaps ever.

Pain

What is it about the human experience that makes us cause another human pain. I'm not talking about anything like violence or war or even teasing someone with the intent to hurt. I'm talking about the normal things people do in their lives that end up hurting someone. The things that are unintentional. Most people don't go around trying to bring pain to someone else, but it happens all of the time nonetheless. Why is that? How can so much anguish and grief come inadvertently?

Linguistic Humor

The Washington Post Mensa Invitational has regular word contests. In a recent one, readers submit a word from the dictionary; alter it by adding, subtracting, or changing one letter; and supply a new definition. Here are the winners:

1. Cashtration (n.): The act of buying a house, which renders the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period.

2. Ignoranus: A person who's both stupid and an asshole.

3. Intaxication: Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until you realize it was your money to start with.

4. Reintarnation: Coming back to life as a hillbilly.

5. Bozone (n.): The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the near future.

6. Foreploy: Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of getting laid.

7. Giraffiti: Vandalism spray-painted very, very high.

8. Sarchasm: The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn't get it.

9. Inoculatte: To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.

10. Hipatitis: Terminal coolness.

11. Osteopornosis: A degenerate disease. (This one got extra credit.)

12. Karmageddon: It's like, when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it's like, a serious bummer.

13. Decafalon (n.): The grueling event of getting through the day consuming only things that are good for you.

14. Glibido: All talk and no action.

15. Dopeler effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.

16. Arachnoleptic fit (n.): The frantic dance performed just after you've accidentally walked through a spider web.

UPDATE: Fixed formatting.